Major Gay Terror Threat Avoided by Army Decision

Major Gay Terror Threat Averted
By Katie Halper

The U.S. army recently averted a national security threat when they dismissed nine linguists discovered to be gay. Six of the linguists specialized in Arabic translation, a programmatic gap that the army has been desperately seeking to fill. But General Peter Schoomaker, the Army's chief of staff agreed with the decision, saying "Having a gay Arabic translator is a lot more dangerous than having no Arabic translators. Imagine how these anti-American, anti-family individuals might twist language to promote their homosexual agenda.

For example, 'The captain wants to speak with you' could easily be translated as, 'The captain wants to kiss you on the lips.' They could translate 'We like Iraq' into 'We like Iraqi men.' Plus their perverted translations are only one of the many dangers these gays pose. They'd be risking the lives of our troops by going AWOL all the time. Instead of reporting to duty, they'd be designing Burkas in Baghdad, getting pedicures in Fallujah, and antiquing in Baghdad. Before you know it 'An Army of One' would become 'An Army of Cuticle Softener And Lip Gloss.' "