In OK its Not Okay to be Gay For Most People

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Gay in OK
by Amanda Turner
July 05, 2006

Oklahoma City's 19th annual gay pride festival was held Saturday and Sunday under the slogan "We ARE The People." And though many danced, cheered and celebrated their pride at Sunday's parade, several gay students say it is an ongoing struggle to gain acceptance from family and peers.

"I have found that being taken seriously as a group of people is a true issue that many face," said Bret Gaither, psychology senior and former president of the OU's Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgendered and Friends student organization.

Celebrated internationally, the annual gay pride events commemorate the 1969 Stonewall Rebellion in New York City, which launched the gay rights movement. The movement has helped gain many civil rights for non-heterosexuals over the decades, but prejudice against homosexuals in Oklahoma still exists, said Paul Robert Thompson, co-chair of the Oklahoma Gay and Lesbian Political Caucus.

Reluctance to fully accept non-heterosexuals into society is hypocritical, said Thompson, who is also a co-chair of Pride Inc., the group that organizes Oklahoma City's annual gay pride celebration.

"It's amazing to me that so many of our state leaders brag about Oklahoma being on the cutting edge and going into the future technologically, yet socially we're still deeply rooted in 1895," Thompson said. "You can't have both."

As a member of the "Bible belt," Oklahoma is one of the more socially conservative states in the country, and one of 20 states that have passed amendments banning gay marriage. The state has also repeatedly reelected U.S. Sen. James Inhofe, R-Tulsa, an outspoken critic of homosexuality who described his own political platform as "God, gays and guns." As recently as June 6, Inhofe told the Senate that he was proud there had never been a gay member of his extended family.

Such an environment is not always friendly to gays. Gaither, who rode on the Stand Out Magazine float in Sunday's pride parade, said strangers regularly pass judgment.

"I get told I'm going to hell quite often," he said. "It really makes me sad that people feel they have to impose their beliefs."

Graduate student Sean McElroy said that although he doesn't take what sidewalk preachers say very seriously, he suspects they may be voicing what others silently believe.

"The real problem is people who will act nice to you, but basically think the same thing," he said.

James Bentley, music education sophomore, said that it is ignorance that leads many to oppose not just the practice of homosexuality, but homosexuals themselves.

"I think they believe that being gay is somehow contagious and that if you hang out with gay people you in turn will be gay," Bentley said. "Like, if you hang out with tall people you'll be tall? Many of these misconceptions come from fear of the unknown. It's similar to something like believing in Big Foot. Since people don't know that much about the truth they assume what society or the majority tells them to, which is a shame."

McElroy said there is a misconception that all gay people are promiscuous, which some use as a platform to condemn homosexuality. He said he has found that monogamous gay relationships are even more unsettling to those same critics.

"It's mostly unacceptable in a conservative state like Oklahoma to be in a gay relationship, but strangely, it seems to be even more frowned upon to be in a monogamous gay one," he said. "So a lot of people in monogamous relationships tend to stay in the background of society. Most conservatives don't realize there's thousands of people all around them who are gay and living in long-term, loving relationships."

Though Oklahoma on a whole remains less accepting than places like New York or California, Bentley said he has found the OU campus to be a safe environment for people to be openly gay or bisexual.

"Many of the issues we face at OU are similar to that of everywhere else," he said. "Acceptance into the college society, facing prejudice from some people and learning how to deal with such pressure. I feel that OU is a very open community and is very accepting of all people regardless of race, gender, religion or sexual orientation."

Gaither said it often surprises him which people are bothered by his sexuality.

"I have had many situations where an elderly man may be very open and friendly about it and someone who is supposedly liberal be against it," he said.

McElroy, who grew up in Tuttle, said he has found Norman and Oklahoma City to be much more progressive than more rural areas.

"I remained 'in the closet' until after I graduated high school, as the only person to ever come out at my high school had his car set on fire by the football team," he said. "It's a very clear message in those areas: you're not wanted if you're gay."

Thompson noted that there are a handful of local churches that openly welcome homosexuals and do not try to change them. McElroy identifies himself as a Christian and said that while he has resolved his orientation with his faith, his family has not.

"My family is not accepting," McElroy said. “They told me in no uncertain terms that they never want to know anything about it. That's very discouraging, because if I do find someone special, I can't share that with them. I really don't look forward to the day when I have to make a choice about where I spend Christmas."

Both McElroy and Gaither have made their choice about where they will eventually live; both said they definitely plan to move out of state after they receive their degrees. Bentley said he is undecided, but may also eventually relocate.

Thompson said that Oklahoma’s less-than-accepting attitude toward homosexuals makes living here less appealing for many talented young people.

"A society that is repressive is not going to attract creative, intelligent people and hold them," he said. "Oklahoma continually educates people on taxpayer dollars only to have them move away."

McElroy said events like this past weekend’s Pride festival offer comfort and reassurance to those who do live here, whether or not they plan to stay.

"Sometimes, you can feel very alone if you're gay," he said. "It's reassuring to know we exist, and in such numbers, at events like this.”

2006 The OU Daily